Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
