I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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