Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
