My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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