her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
