I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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