I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
