Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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