He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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