I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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