the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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