If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize