if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
