Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woke up backwards on a recliner
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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