maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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