Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
