Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
