All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
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