I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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