just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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