You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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