I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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