I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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