smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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