shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
