Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
