I think i peed on brittanys purse
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
