I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
