Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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