i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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