i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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