I like my sex mixed with concussions.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
