there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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