Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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