Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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