Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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