Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
