Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
