he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My vagina just clenched in fear
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
