This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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