im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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