Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
