We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
