plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
