we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm just crazy horny about you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
