is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
