some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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