Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
