Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
