I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
